The Right Foot

So, I’ve been in a little bit of a slump lately. My last day at work was three weeks ago, and while the first week was kind of nice, I’ve been wandering around in a bit of a fog with little to no desire to do really anything. I’ve been so used to being crazy busy and overstressed at work that it feels like I went from a level 100 to absolute 0 in no time at all. It’s been hard to motivate myself to go to the gym, clean, run errands, get out of my PJs, yada yada. Even getting the news that I was accepted to M.Ed. programs at University of Washington, Harvard, and Columbia buoyed me for just a little bit before worry about finances and my ability to keep up with my fellow students set in. Cue sad violins.

This was one major reason I wanted to do the detox. I think the metaphor works: I’m literally flushing everything crappy from my body, my mind, the past few months, OUT. Call it a placebo effect, but it does help me feel better. This time, though, I’ve had trouble staying disciplined. My own resolve is not the problem; I don’t budge when I’m making my own meals. It’s the pressure from others and having to answer their questions that makes me feel awkward. After all, it’s not medical or an allergy that is the reason I’m cutting stuff out.

It didn’t make me feel any better that I had a super crappy run yesterday. It’s funny how great runs can make you feel on top of the world, and terrible ones make you feel awful. I kept a good pace (7:45ish) but my legs were heavy and I felt like I couldn’t move, and I stopped every mile or so just to talk myself through continuing. I also had a frustrating meeting yesterday, but the icing on the cake was that I broke – no, stomped all over – my self-imposed restrictions for the detox with the fabulous St. Patrick’s Day dinner that J’s stepmom put on last night. I would have been fine with passing everything up, but literally, salad was the only thing I could eat from the incredible spread. There was Irish soda bread:

Corned beef:

Boiled cabbage, red potatoes (with butter), and salad:

This was clearly a dinner that a lot of effort and love had been put into. I couldn’t sit there and only eat salad, or make myself something else – that would be an insult, I felt. So, I chowed down. And it tasted delicious, and I was happy – until a few hours later, when I got annoyed with myself for disrupting a 2 week effort that was supposed to reset my body and mind. I ended up staying up late reading just so I didn’t have to think about all the thoughts that came flooding in, but still tossed and turned all night.

This is a question that always plagues me: how do you break a negative mindset? Is it as simple as telling yourself, no, I will not think that, I will not do that anymore, today is the day this all changes?

In any case, this morning, I woke up determined to get my Friday off on the right foot. I chugged my water, heated up the coffee, and I made a delicious breakfast of oats with chopped apple, pumpkin pie spice, and vanilla extract cooked in, topped with a puddle of PB. I meant to add in pumpkin but the oats cooked too fast!

Can I call these redemption oats?

I think my plan for the rest of the day is to get my butt out of the house however I can – go to the bank, read at a coffee shop instead of on the couch (so I can’t be in my PJs), get my heart pumping somehow, and just generally enjoy this time with little to no obligations. The rest of my life is sure to be jampacked with obligations and commitments, and I’m sure I’ll wish for this time where I have very little to do (uh, like six months from now when I’m buried in reading and assignments!). This is an opportunity to do what I want to do!

Ok, Friday, YOU WILL BE  A GOOD DAY.

Oh yeah, this was a highlight from last night – baby Alaina, Jacob’s step-niece. Boys with babies in their arms are pretty cute 🙂

 

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